Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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