Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
