So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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