Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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