More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
