Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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