dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
