please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
