This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Enjoy the penises
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
