I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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