I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
