In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
