at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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