There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
they're like a gay fantastic four
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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