So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
