Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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