I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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