I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
