I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
