her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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