I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
