I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
