I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
