Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
