She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish you could order shots online.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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