I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
how can u be prego again
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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