my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i came on her dog
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Life without a bra equals bliss.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
