I wish my penis had an off switch
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
