i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
