My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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