So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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