What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
