i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
