Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
mondays should just be called national damage control day
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
