i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
