love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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