just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
