The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
