mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
