summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Randomize
