So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
