my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
