I just pynch a tree in the face
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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