my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
