I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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