we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
