I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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