It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
