She is in my trunk
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
operation have a gay friend backfired
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
