I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
