omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
