none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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