Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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