He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
