shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
