You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
