Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
