singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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