its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
